Overcoming Fear

I’m playing more aggressive poker and winning more pots that way. This is due to the sheets SNG videos I’ve been watching this week. They’re good. The math dictates I can re-raise all in with a lot more hands than I’ve been shoving with. I think I’ve been too passive with my play lately, so I’ve been mixing it up a bit, getting more aggressive when the blinds rise and putting more pressure on my opponents.
One thing I’m having trouble with is delivering the KO punch heads up when I have a 3x chip lead. I lose one or two all ins, then simply crumble with either weak cards or dominated hands. This has happened quite a bit lately and it’s frustrating.
I plan to play the entire day at the Casino San Pablo on Saturday. I can’t wait to jump into that no limit game. There are some really atrocious players who play that game, people who have no trouble trying to mix it up.
I’ve noticed one regular at San Pablo who’s good at button play. He loves raising huge on the button, then going all in when everyone checks to him. I’ve seen him do that three times. The only time I say him show a hand was when he had AQ with a queen on the flop. I can’t wait to one day trap him for all his chips. I still haven’t forgotten about the straight he went all in on, forcing me to push away at higher straight. He perceives me to be a weak tight player. I look forward to getting in a situation with him in which we can gamble it up a bit. This week I’ve been struggling with some very negative thoughts and moments of depression, feeling like a loser again. I haven’t done a good enough job in bringing my tools into action and using them as a means of feeling better. Kevin said something last week that resonated with me. I think I’ve had very low self-esteem in creating a lasting profession for myself. I lack confidence in my writing ability and see myself as a washup. This is what I tell myself anyway. The truth is I can be pretty good when I want to be, only I seem to lack the drive to continue creating more interesting and challenging work. I shy away from challenges that might expose my large limitations. Fear sometimes cripples me, but I’m staying focused on riding above those fears. Poker helps with this, I think. I don’t like playing poker from a place of fear. It’s far better to play from a position of aggression and strength. This is true about a lot of like I think.