Monday, August 4, 2008

More Stuff

I'm reading "Silent Sons," a book for and about men who have come from dysfunctional families and had difficult fathers. That's me, all right. Reading the book puts into perspective why I have the problems I have. When I think about all the great memories I have with Dad, I come up pretty empty. No wonder I have spent my entire life not wanting to be like him. Unfortunately, I do have some "Dad" attributes, like getting really pissed off when I lose. I've really been trying to work on this. It's difficult. I also beat myself up relentlessly. I've actually made a great deal of progress on this horrible bit of bad behavior, thanks to Ziegler and his technique for controlling the voice in my head. I'm also reading a couple of ACA books that have been helpful. Being aware of why I am the way I am has been very positive. I feel I'm doing some excellent work on myself. I like how I'm making more sense to myself. I also like how I'm willing to take more chances.

Jeff and Laura are splitting up. Jeff called me a few days ago. I offered to help anyway I can, but when I talked to Laura I sort of opening up a big can of worms, namely Jeff's bigtime drinking. Actually, both Jeff and Laura are heavy drinkers. Of course, they think I don't know what I'm talking about, and have declined any further help from me. Oh well. I don't see them working through their problems. I think the problems went on way too long, and now Laura is at a point where she just doesn't care anymore. She's done with Jeff and has found a new "fix" to fulfill her. Jeff and Laura are so much like my parents. They'll never resolve what happened to them and will be bitter toward each other for the rest of their lives. I hope that's not true, but that's what human nature suggests.

China is only six weeks away. I'm growing more nervous about this trip. Gwen and Mom will have issues they need to sort out. I don't want to get in the middle of them. I'm sure there will be conflicts, however, perhaps revolving around food, dinner times, what to do, etc. Getting a quick sense of the area is important.

I'm holding my own in my poker playing, landing in the money in some tournaments and doing well in my cash games. I ended up about even for the month in July. I get lucky and unlucky. That's poker. Still waiting to hit a bit payday in the online tourney world. It hasn't happened yet, though I've been down to the final three tables recently.

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